Yes you sure did read that title right! So this blog is going to be quite intense and quite… what’s the word I’m looking for?.. Raw (no pun intended). I want to post about this because it’s been something that’s ben weighing on my mind for a while now and I feel like writing about it might make it a little better. Orrr it’s only going to humiliate me. Sit down and get cozy for this one because, fair warning, it’s a trip.. and a half.
Okay so while back I was discussing my sex life when she asked me how often my boyfriend and I have sex. She nearly choked on her drink as I gave her my answer! I was really embarrassed to say twice a month.. Maybe? Her response was “girl, you must be doing something wrong in the bedroom if you are only getting laid 2 times a month.” After hearing her make this comment, I was mortified and realized that maybe I should have lied. Maybe I should have thrown out a random number like 15 times a month.. yeah that sounds good. She made me feel like the smallest person in the world. We continued about our day, but on my drive home that night, I was RACKING MY BRAIN so hard to figure out why is it that my boyfriend and I are okay with this?! We’re young (me almost 25 and him 31), we should be going to pound town all of the time, fucking like rabbits. Did it bother me that I was getting laid only 2 times a month? NO. Did it seem like it was bothering him? NO. Do I think he’s getting it from someone else? SOLID NO. As I continued driving, it finally dawned on me and here is what I realized.
My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years.. I know that’s not a long time but let me just add that we have a daughter together and there isn’t much we haven’t been through, together. When we first started our relationship we WERE like rabbits. We couldn’t get enough of each other.. 9 months in and I end up pregnant.. so obviously we aren’t no stranger to the bedroom or kitchen or living room… okay you’re catching my drift. I can assure you that there are no cow webs in my lady bits. Fast forward 9 months and my daughter has made her arrival (you can check out that story as it was my first blog), and for a few weeks AFTER the doctor cleared me to resume normal activities, I had no desire to even be looked at naked. Maybe it was because I felt like “it wouldn’t feel good” now that I’ve pushed a 7 1/2 pounder out, or maybe it was because I didn’t feel attractive with my flabby belly and my stretch makes making me look like a god damn road map. I don’t know what it was, but I think these were the biggest factors. And it took me a LONG time to be comfortable enough to take the train to bone town. Still to this very day, 7 months since Madilyn was born, we have sex MAYBE 2-3 times a month. Here’s why.. We have both realized that there is so much more than sex. Most people our age in relationships are fucking all of the time.. don’t get me wrong, we find each other super sexy.. but you know what else is sexy? WATCHING HIM PLAY AND SPEND TIME WITH OUT DAUGHTER, PAYING THE BILLS, HIM LETTING ME BE A SAHM, WHEN HE CLEANS THE HOUSE WITHOUT ME ASKING, AND WHEN HE CALLS ME BEAUTIFUL even with all my stretch marks or spit up on my shirt.. he still thinks I’m beautiful.
Just because we aren’t having sex multiple times a week, doesn’t mean he fails to make me feel loved and sexy, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean he’s getting satisfied elsewhere. This man works 60+ hours a week at a job that is both physically and mentally EXHAUSTING. When he comes home the only thing he WANTS to do, is spend time with his daughter, and go to sleep. But instead he helps me pick up toys in the living room, he makes her a bottle and feeds her one last time for the night, he takes the dog out, and by the time his head hits the pillow.. it’s lights out for him and I’M OKAY WITH THAT! This man busts his ass and pays all of out bills on just his income and STILL manages to make sure we have what we want and need. If that means he is tired most days and doesn’t want to fool around then so be it. If that means were only fucking 2 times a month SO BE IT!
With all of this being said.. yes I’m the girl who only gets laid 2-3 times a month and is okay with it. If you and your significant other are banging every god damn day, CUDOS! Do you want a cookie? Sorry I ate them all. Anyway, I’m glad I was able to open up about this and I’m truly hoping I don’t regret I by tomorrow. After having that conversation with my friend all I can say is THANKS FOR JUDGING ME, BITCH. THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO SMALL. But thanks for making me realize that there is so much more to be attracted to and needing sex isn’t mandatory.
“Your relationship doesn’t need to make sense to anyone, except you and your partner.It’s a relationship, not a community project. “
Coffee Chaos and Cuss words 