Sex? As told by the girl who barely gets laid…

Yes you sure did read that title right! So this blog is going to be quite intense and quite… what’s the word I’m looking for?.. Raw (no pun intended). I want to post about this because it’s been something that’s ben weighing on my mind for a while now and I feel like writing about it might make it a little better. Orrr it’s only going to humiliate me. Sit down and get cozy for this one because, fair warning, it’s a trip.. and a half.

Okay so while back I was discussing my sex life when she asked me how often my boyfriend and I have sex. She nearly choked on her drink as I gave her my answer! I was really embarrassed to say twice a month.. Maybe? Her response was “girl, you must be doing something wrong in the bedroom if you are only getting laid 2 times a month.” After hearing her make this comment, I was mortified and realized that maybe I should have lied. Maybe I should have thrown out a random number like 15 times a month.. yeah that sounds good. She made me feel like the smallest person in the world. We continued about our day, but on my drive home that night, I was RACKING MY BRAIN so hard to figure out why is it that my boyfriend and I are okay with this?! We’re young (me almost 25 and him 31), we should be going to pound town all of the time, fucking like rabbits. Did it bother me that I was getting laid only 2 times a month? NO. Did it seem like it was bothering him? NO. Do I think he’s getting it from someone else? SOLID NO. As I continued driving, it finally dawned on me and here is what I realized.

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years.. I know that’s not a long time but let me just add that we have a daughter together and there isn’t much we haven’t been through, together. When we first started our relationship we WERE like rabbits. We couldn’t get enough of each other.. 9 months in and I end up pregnant.. so obviously we aren’t no stranger to the bedroom or kitchen or living room… okay you’re catching my drift. I can assure you that there are no cow webs in my lady bits. Fast forward 9 months and my daughter has made her arrival (you can check out that story as it was my first blog), and for a few weeks AFTER the doctor cleared me to resume normal activities, I had no desire to even be looked at naked. Maybe it was because I felt like “it wouldn’t feel good” now that I’ve pushed a 7 1/2 pounder out, or maybe it was because I didn’t feel attractive with my flabby belly and my stretch makes making me look like a god damn road map. I don’t know what it was, but I think these were the biggest factors. And it took me a LONG time to be comfortable enough to take the train to bone town. Still to this very day, 7 months since Madilyn was born, we have sex MAYBE 2-3 times a month. Here’s why.. We have both realized that there is so much more than sex. Most people our age in relationships are fucking all of the time.. don’t get me wrong, we find each other super sexy.. but you know what else is sexy? WATCHING HIM PLAY AND SPEND TIME WITH OUT DAUGHTER, PAYING THE BILLS, HIM LETTING ME BE A SAHM, WHEN HE CLEANS THE HOUSE WITHOUT ME ASKING, AND WHEN HE CALLS ME BEAUTIFUL even with all my stretch marks or spit up on my shirt.. he still thinks I’m beautiful.

Just because we aren’t having sex multiple times a week, doesn’t mean he fails to make me feel loved and sexy, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean he’s getting satisfied elsewhere. This man works 60+ hours a week at a job that is both physically and mentally EXHAUSTING. When he comes home the only thing he WANTS to do, is spend time with his daughter, and go to sleep. But instead he helps me pick up toys in the living room, he makes her a bottle and feeds her one last time for the night, he takes the dog out, and by the time his head hits the pillow.. it’s lights out for him and I’M OKAY WITH THAT! This man busts his ass and pays all of out bills on just his income and STILL manages to make sure we have what we want and need. If that means he is tired most days and doesn’t want to fool around then so be it. If that means were only fucking 2 times a month SO BE IT!

With all of this being said.. yes I’m the girl who only gets laid 2-3 times a month and is okay with it. If you and your significant other are banging every god damn day, CUDOS! Do you want a cookie? Sorry I ate them all. Anyway, I’m glad I was able to open up about this and I’m truly hoping I don’t regret I by tomorrow. After having that conversation with my friend all I can say is THANKS FOR JUDGING ME, BITCH. THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO SMALL. But thanks for making me realize that there is so much more to be attracted to and needing sex isn’t mandatory.

“Your relationship doesn’t need to make sense to anyone, except you and your partner.It’s a relationship, not a community project. “

Memory -Making Christmas Traditions

It must be this time of year that puts a magic feel in the air. Something about chilly nights, twinkling lights, and sipping hot chocolate… Okay who am I kidding? If your house is anything like mine, it’s the least relaxing atmosphere. Tape and ribbon is flying as I’m trying to wrap last minute gifts, I’ve watched Trolls Holiday at least a dozen times because the baby likes it, and the dog has pulled ornaments off the tree for the last 4 days. At least the stockings are hung by the window.. with care? Whatever. No matter how hectic, and crazy, and busy your holiday season may be.. ALWAYS MAKE TIME FOR THE TRADITIONS. Your kids will love them now, and as they get older and the magic of Christmas isn’t as magical, you kids will still crack a smile when they are 15..25..30 and they will remember all the things we as parents did with them, and will someday pass them on to their children. I still remember everything from my childhood, and I plan to carry them on with my daughter. We did the homemade reindeer food (I’ll post recipe below), Christmas Eve Dinner, went for a drive to look at the lights, and then home to watch a movie while drinking hot chocolate. As a kid growing up it was so much fun and so magical knowing that Santa would soon make his arrival. As I got older, it was just as magical, even when I helped mom and dad put the presents under the tree. Now that my boyfriend and I have our daughter we plan to incorporate traditions from both of our families, to instill in her!

Astarita Christmas

Below you will find a list of traditions we plan to start this very year with our daughter. Who are we kidding, these traditions bring us just as much joy. Feel free to try any of these with your family this year.

Making a gingerbread house (already did last weekend)
Spend a day making Christmas cookies
decorating our tree together
Christmas Eve Dinner (usually lasagna, ziti, ham dinner.. something like that)
Dunkin’ Run and Driving around to look at Christmas Lights
Christmas Eve jammies and snuggles while we watch a Christmas movie with the kids
Milk and cookies left for Santa and the Reindeer food sprinkled on the front lawn
After the baby is in bed we will put out the presents, and curl up and enjoy an adult beverage while we enjoy the quiet and the lights on the tree
Christmas food Stocking (this is separate from a regular stocking and contains just their favorite food/snacks)
Christmas Morning Breakfast (usually consists of a casserole, or cinnamon rolls, bacon, juice)

Last but not least, when Christmas Day is over.. there is still Little Christmas. Celebrated 12 days after Christmas (January 6th). This is the celebration of Epiphany and will be celebrated by a nice dinner and it’s the day we take our Christmas decorations down. Yes our daughter may only be 5 months (6 months on the 28th) but we still plan to start these traditions with her this year. I can’t wait to celebrate with her and as she gets older, feel the magic of the holiday season through her.

Reindeer Food

Reindeer food was always made the afternoon of Christmas Eve. Feel free to alter it as you see fit. It’s simply 1 tsp of glitter(for helping keep the magic powers of course), 1 cup of dried oats (oatmeal), 1/4 cup of chocolate chips, and 2 tbsp of dried cranberries. Mix it all together, and before the kids go to bed, let them go out and sprinkle it in your front or back yard.

From my family to yours, have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Welcome to the world, my sweet unicorn

Just like MOST pregnant mamas, I was so scared of giving birth. How can I do this? I often found myself thinking that this was going to be too difficult, too painful, too…impossible. Nothing could be more magical than finding out I was pregnant, or feeling the first movements and kicks, or finding out I was having a DAUGHTER! Nothing was going to top that.. except delivery. Despite the pain, pushing a 7 lb 5 oz human out of my vagina was pure fucking magic. Weird.. Let me get ya’ll caught up to speed.. go back to October 27, 2018.. I peed on a stick and it was positive. After being told I could never have kids without the help of medications and so on, lets just say I was just as shocked as my doctors were when I called to schedule my first appointment. The first part of my pregnancy went by so fast. Mild morning sickness, but heartburn that could (in the wise words of Juno), radiate my knee caps, the holiday season made my pregnancy so much more happier and exciting! Fast forward to April 2019. I was pulled from my full time job because I had high blood pressure and had a super stressful job. I wasn’t put on bed rest, I just couldn’t go to work.. Fine by me! Okay so now were in June.. ITS BABY MONTH! my due date was June 29th. I went to the doctor on the 24th do be checked and have my last ultrasound. Everything was fine until the doctor came in and told me she was still so high up he could just feel the top of her head. How could this be? I had so much pressure, had been walking every damn day, and uhh hello, my due date is at the ed of the week. Of course this made my blood pressure sky rocket so now my dr. was concerned and scheduled me to go in to be induced on the morning of Thursday June 27th. This my friends is where the fun begins.

The Induction

On the morning of the 27th, we got to the hospital at 7:30 am. Labor and Delivery got me right in, hooked up and by 8 o’clock I was hooked up to my Pitocin and ready to get this party started. My Dr. seemed adamant that my baby WOULD be born on the 27th so he had the nurses coming in every 20 minutes to up my levels.. nothing was changing. I remember 2 of my nurses coming in and trying to make light of thins by saying “We’re here until 3 pm and we are going to make sure you deliver on our shift!” EXCUSE ME?! I mean it could be very possible but are these bitches crazy?! I was feeling great although the progress was slow. At 11 am Dr. Leuci came in to break my water. This is when the contractions became a load of fun! NOT. By 2 pm i was only like 3 cm dilated and in some serious pain. I wasn’t quite ready for the epidural, as I wasn’t even sure if I wanted one at all. The nurses came in and told me they could give me Fentanyl to help the pain. I figured it was worth a shot. BOY WAS I WRONG! It gave me one hell of a head rush and made me sick instantly. I was not about to spend the rest of my time throwing up and miserable and dizzy. Once the first dose wore off, I told the nurses no more. I would rather deal with the pain than to feel that shitty all day. I took 2 long hot showers but the second one ended with me vomiting all over the bathroom. I was a hot mess, for sure. By 4pm, the next shift of nurses were in, and I was sad to disappoint first shift by not delivering..like I expected. At this point I had enough of the pain and told the nurses I wanted the epidural. Expecting it to be a while, I was shocked when about 20 min later they were prepping me to have a needle shoved into my back. Honestly I had so much anxiety about this, but I’m glad I did it. WITHIN MINUTES I felt soo much better. I felt more human and didn’t seem so bitchy towards my mom and Daniel. It’s now 8pm.. 12 hours since the Pitocin started and I was only 4cm. HOLY SHIT JUST GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY. about 2 hours after the epidural, I had nurses coming in to move me into positions to help assist with dilating. Mind you, I was completely numb and thy are asking me to roll around, get on my hands and knees, roll to my side.. it was a shit show to say the least. I felt pathetic and had exposed myself to everyone in the room, way more than I had ever planned to. I was now feeling embarrassed. Yes Daniel had seen me naked, obviously or I wouldn’t be writing this. However I can assure you that he had never seen me on my hands and knees, looking like a fricken cow not even to move myself around. This may be cute in the bedroom but being in labor, numbed, in pain from pressure, miserable, with a tummy hanging to the bed.. it was NOT attractive at all. 11pm comes and I am now 6cm, hangry, tired, and still progressing ever so slowly. We all took bets on when she would actually make her arrival. It hit midnight and we were officially not having our baby the 27th. 1 am turned to 2, turned to 3..at 3:30, the nurse finally begin letting me push through some contractions just to help with the pain. That stopped shortly after once she realized I was “a good pusher” and they weren’t ready for it yet since my dr was at home sleeping. at 3;45 my body started taking over and began pushing on its own. with each contraction, I had began crowning and she was on her way! My nurse was getting nervous because they hadn’t called my dr yet and Madi was coming full speed. At 3:50 am they called Dr. Leuci and woke him up to tell him he was needed at the hospital right away. My nurse sat at the edge of my bed and told me I needed to stop pushing.. I probably didn’t need to be so bitchy but I looked at her and said “I am NOT pushing!” I can’t explain the feeling other than it was like dry heaving in reverse.. with every contraction my body was bearing down trying to get her out. And so begins the transition to birth 🙂

The Birth

At 4:05 two of my nurses came in and started getting ready to deliver my baby. You could tell they were a little nervous since my Dr. wasn’t there yet. This was not a comforting feeling by any means and it sure as hell didn’t help when nurses were in and out of my room, getting things ready, rushing around, and asking “Is he here yet? Has anyone seen him? We need to get him here.” My doctor walked in my room at 4:26 am. He started washing his hands and taking his time scrubbing up when Charlotte (the best nurse ever) said “can you put a little pep in your step because the head is almost out.. He came running over and put his hand down like he was catching a football (no lie) and told me to go ahead and push. The nurses were putting his gown on for him, when I gave two good pushes and she was out. Finally the pain was over! We welcomed our sweet Madilyn Grace at 4:32 am on June 28th 2019. 7lbs 5oz 19 1/2 inches long. She came into the world screaming and these past 5 months she has been the most amazing baby. Showing us her sweet, spunky, sassy sides all of the time and keeping us on our toes. Michael Faudet once said “She’s the exclamation mark in the happiest sentence that I could ever possibly write”. I honestly can not think of anything more true about our Miss. Madi Grace.

The woman Behind the Keyboard

If you’re reading this, you have found it! Coffee Chaos and Cuss words. Seems to be about all I run on these days. Let’s jump in and i’ll fill you in on where I’m at in life. For those of you who may know me from my hometown of little Mexico NY, I have traded in the small town life for the even bigger small town of Binghamton. I have been living here for a little over 4 years now. I am currently a stay home mom of a 5 month old little girl (this is why so much coffee is required), This post isn’t going to be too funny, or sappy, or anything of the nitty gritty that will be soon to come. I just wanted to write this and explain why we are all here. If you stumbled onto my page, I’m going to assume that you are expecting, a new mom, a well seasoned mother, or just a women who wants to be here for others and talk about life! If this sounds like you, YOU HAVE MADE IT TO THE RIGHT PLACE, MY FRIEND! I will be posting new stuff every week, Sometimes a few times a week, and for weeks like that you can go ahead and assume there is a few empty coffee cps or wine glasses in my kitchen sink. So go pour yourself a glass of whatever tickles your fancy, and find yourself able to express yourself here!